she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
