Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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