ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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