I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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