Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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