Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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