nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
