I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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