jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Randomize
