I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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