The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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