a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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