I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
