I love black thongs
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
