I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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