Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
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