He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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