Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
