Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
