Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
