Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
