I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
