Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
