sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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