Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
