Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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