she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
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