If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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