My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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