just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
