If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
