Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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