We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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