The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
