well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
