I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
