I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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