Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
