dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
