Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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