billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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