We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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