just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
