also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
