Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
