I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
