i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
