my soul wont recognize me after tonight
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
