wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Still dying that you shit outside
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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