paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
